A Special Dog Script

“This is a story of Bennie the dog, a pet of a goose I know. Bennie the dog had a bit of an attitude—he wore a collar that had ‘Bad to the Bone’ written on it, which is a play on words, but also described his personality to a T.

“Like many pet dogs, Bennie was not receptive to taking baths. This is not unlike our friend Ellington Owl who doesn’t like to get wet. Well, Bennie disliked baths even more! So, whenever it was bath time, the goose and her husband Ichabod Dee had to spell out the word bath, b-a-t-h, because otherwise Bennie got all riled up. Of course, the goose wanted Bennie to look clean and dapper. That’s what every goose desires most.

“It turns out that when Bennie finishes his bath, he runs round and round in a tight circle—so fast that his little legs becomes a blur. This earned him the nickname ‘Race Car Dog’—the fastest dog on four legs East of the Mississippi.

“Now one year, a terrible winter latched hold of the town where Bennie, the goose, and her husband Ichabod Dee lived. The snow fell so many days in a row that Spring didn’t bother to come at all.

“It snowed and snowed, inch after inch, until the upstairs windows were totally covered. You couldn’t see out, and no one outside could see in. That’s a lot of snow, I can tell you.

“After so many months of being stuck indoors, the goose, her husband Ichabod Dee, and Race Car Dog tired of the games they played. There was, of course, ‘Bennie in the Box,’ ‘Bite the Mama,’ ‘Where’s Waldo,’ ‘Hat on a Stick,’ ‘Itchy the Bickies,’ and one of the goose’s favorite: ‘Pull on hims leg because he has got a knee.’ Oh, and they also ran out of food.”

“The goose cupped Race Car Dog’s face in her hands and looked deep into his eyes. ‘Bennie! Bennie, you are our only hope!’

“The goose then opened the front door to send him for help, but no outside could be seen! Framed by the doorway was a solid wall of snow!

“Race Car Dog didn’t understand. Remember, he was a pet dog, not a person, so not only couldn’t he speak, but he couldn’t understand speech—with the exception of a few single words like ‘pizza,’ ‘cookie,’ and ‘bath,’ of course. So, Bennie looked up at the goose in that inquisitive way that dogs do—you know, with his head turned to the side.

“The goose had an idea. She turned to Ichabod Dee and said, ‘Honey, do you think it’s time for Bennie to have a bath?’ Not only didn’t she spell out the word, but she emphasized it! Race Car Dog’s ears perked up, and his eyes opened wide. Her husband caught on to her plan and replied, ‘Why yes, maybe it is time for old stinky face to have a bath!

“Well, I can tell you that Race Car Dog did not like the sound of a bath at all!

“This little dog circled round and round the couch like a race car—you know, like his name suggests. He ran faster and faster, round and round, and then—with a sonic boom—he shot right through the front door like a cannonball into the snow wall leaving a flaming hole behind! I bet you didn’t know snow could burn!

“Bennie then ran round and round the house. He ran faster and faster until the snow melted and the house was soon visible again! It was incredible! But Race Car Dog was not finished yet . . . .

“The little dog ran round and round the entire town until all the snow was melted, everywhere!

“Light streamed into the neighbors windows, and they looked outside, and they cheered! ‘Go Race Car Dog, go!’ And that little dog kept running.

“Soon birds began to sing, blossoms popped out from dormant trees, and blades of grass poked their sleepy heads through the ground to see what was happening.

“Creeks began to flow, the sun began to shine, and Spring erupted everywhere!

“Well, as you know, all fast things must eventually slow down, and a very tired Race Car Dog went back home. The Goose, her husband Ichabod Dee, and the entire town, were saved! Hooray!

“People to this day still talk about that crazy long winter of 2008 and how Race Car Dog turned Winter into Spring. No one calls Race Car Dog the fastest dog East of the Mississippi any more. Shucks no—he’s known as the fastest dog—period!